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Fadeless Art
Would you pls comment on my poem?
My Sweet Flower:
My sweet flower, never, never,
Shall I go back to thee,
Though my heart hath became the bower
To thine sweet glimpse’s memory,
A place, thou shall remain forever,
Forever beautiful, lovely and fadeless be.
When all sweet glimpses art close to unseen,
No beauty is immortal, but of the sweetest imagine.
Thus sweet flower, never, never
Shall I go back to thee,
Where I but shall may see thou, newer
And lying; Oh! Never I shall return and see
To thee, with my eyes in a moment full;
That forever, I’ll say: “Thou art so beautiful.”
Archaic.
Do you use hath and thou and thine in everyday speech?
If you don't, don't use it in poetry. Weird syntax leads to twisted speech.
Poetry does not have to rhyme, but rhythm is important.
You must read as much as you can and as many different styles as you can, classic and contemporary; free verse and structured forms. Two good anthologies: Staying Alive, Real poems for Unreal Times edited by Neil Astley and Garrison Keillor's Good Poems. Two books on writing that will help guide you are Mary Oliver's A Poetry Handbook and The Poetry Home Repair Kit from Ted Kooser.
There are many good sites on line where you can read poetry daily or browse the archives:
Academy of Americans Poets
Poetry Daily
Verse Daily
The Writer's Almanac
Ploughshares
Rattle
Poetry 180
Poetry Foundation
Ken Ishii - Fadeless